Reporting live from the Versace x H&M war zone!

" Looks like Beirut!" (sorry Jad - I did this on purpose). So today, like any respectable reporter, I was where the action is - the real place where a war was raged, victims were being walked over in neglect, where tears where being shed... In short, I was at the Versace x H&M collection opening in their Kaslik store. And it was a riot in Kaslik, I can only imagine what it was like in the downtown and ABC mall flagships stores.
Whereas scheduled to open at 8, the opening was delayed till 9 a.m. by then I was worth it to see the Lebanese fashionistas barely awake, not having time for a full-make up (even if some of them were dressed to the ninth whereas others were in tracksuits).
As the clock approached the H-hour the tension was so palapable you could have cut it with a ribbon. Now, whereas Versace does rhyme with trash, I am not sure a "zalghouta" was in the order of the day as the staff counted down till the doors opened. It was really misplaced and the audience outside, gloomy and worried about being able to grab what they came for decidedly did not join the fray.
Mind you the H&M people even had a carpet with velvet ropes and all the she bang. The shop assistants were dressed in specially-made t-shirts for the events which I am sure will pop up on ebay even as I write this. Seeing the merchandise up close and personal though left me ambivalent, the shirts' tailoring (even for my untrained eye) seemed awkward but seeing the shop manager dressed in that killer tuxedo jacket made me drool (pity I did not need one because the cut and the finishing were practically impeccable!).
Yes, and luckily I was a man... The competition in the women's department - or rather the women's section was unbearable. It was a frenzy! Before going in a woman next to me had a shopping list of no less than 30 items with a different woman's name next to each one and a different size - she was basically shopping for a whole social club. But good luck to her! Because women were simply clutching at everything they can get their hands on, including men's clothing - because it also seemed they were shopping for their husbands (I do doubt though that I am going to be seeing anyone wearing the full cerise suit or the op-art influenced ensemble).
Some women seemed to be carrying tonnes and tonnes of material, with no drivers parked outside it was a mystery for me how the loot was going to be carried back home - or to work even as it was pre-office opening hours. At 9:15 there was virtually nothing left on the racks. As a matter of fact, oddly, some women were even already looking at the H&M classic collection mistaking it for a Versace product (how the mistake happened is beyond me though as the collaboration designs are too flashy to be mistaken for anything else!).
And so there.. Now, in case you are wondering what I bought myself, all I can answer is what women tell me on dates when I speculate about being intimate "that's for me to know and for you to find out"... (Oh, and I was the first person to go to the cashier, because it helps to know what you wanted in advance from the collection!)