C'est pas parce qu'on n'a rien a dire (Qu'il faut fermer sa gueule)

C'est pas parce qu'on n'a rien a dire, qu'il faut fermer sa gueule.... It's not because we don't have anything to say that we ought to shut our mouths. I say this because 99% of all blogs abide by this rule. Hopefully this one does not. But let's be honest, most blogs are narcissistic exercises of ego-massage, whose principal function is merely to convey their owner's non-happening life and less-than-interesting opinions. Again, I do hope this one is different. The reason that took me so long to start a blog is 1) My inherent fear of technology, 2) The idea that what I have to say could kill people out of boredom (Is this considered second degree murder?) and 3) Oh well, I always thought email was more personal (Even when sent to a list of people).

Sure, I do get comments in the line of: Why aren't there more pictures? (Specifically, an award-winning collage of mine is being asked to be displayed frequently, I will post it when the time comes!), why is your profile almost empty? (This is not beauty contest, and I have no bikini to parade around with while waiting for the crown!), and why is the background white? (I don't know how to change it, duh!)...

Blogically speaking," je suis timide mais je me soigne" (I am shy but getting cured)....

Holimantoss!

Mixed media collage, "Children don't go to war (War comes to them), (c) Tarek Chemaly, 2003

When we were children, we used to play "War!" with other village kids. Of course, growing up in a real war gave one an edge as to the tactics, strategies, and implementations. So it was a real team 1 v/s team 2 thing, with a lot of machinations that later - when I did my military service - I learned they had true technical names. One of my vivid memories was that when you spotted an enemy, you raised your hand in a pistol-mode and shouted "holimantoss!"... The other clear recollection refers to the beginning of the game where one team leader shouts from the top of his lungs "lakad ibtada'at el harbou" (War has begun!)
A lot of analysts and journalists fear that yesterday's clashes in Beirut, reminiscent of what was happening between 1975 and 1990 may be (According to Robert Fisk) "what historians may one day claim was the first day of Lebanon's new civil war", and in that case someone ought to shout: "lakad ibtada'at el harbou".
I keep my hopes that this is nothing but one of those "Lebanese" things, one that always ends up in a kiss and make-up, like traffic accidents: After much screaming and shouting, the two parties always end up having a common acquaintance or come from a nearby village or decided it was not worth the hassle to waste all that time filling up official documents for claims.
Yesterday night there was curfew, the first of my life, and instead of battling this imposed restriction as an strike on my civil liberties, somehow I took the opportunity to fill up an application I needed to finish up with. It's one of those reflexes one develops while going through war: Make every second count, it will never come back (And so might you too!).
The reason I mentionned "holimantoss" at the beginning of this entry was that later, as my French became quite fluent I realized it was merely the hillbillies' appropriation of the French expression "Haut les mains, tous!" (Arms up in the air, everyone!)... And that's exactly what I felt like saying yesterday to all the hormonal belligerents throwing rocks and stones and even firing at one another.
"holimantoss!"...
In Lebanon, though, also as Fisk commented, it all runs in the blood, he talked about the fighters' predecessors ­"perhaps their fathers ­ were dressed like this 31 years ago when they fought in these same streets, executioners-to-be, all confident in the integrity of their cause." This also reminded me of another French expression "on prend les memes et on recommence" - we take the same ones and we begin anew... Horrifically, if we take the initials of that expression, it becomes "o.p l. m.o.r." - which means "hop' le mort!" (Reviving the dead), and is a very nasty omen as the last thing we would need today is to revive the war that we thought was now long dead.
So I hope it's "holimantoss" rather than "hop le mort".

Everybody else is doing it, so why can't Rotana?

In a new installment of the come-up-with-a-concept-and-I-will-steal-it-to-make-it-better, Rotana has entered the fuss with what some people deemed a lame attempt to be in the spotlight, but which I personally found to be a very smart coup from their part. To put things into perspective, Rotana is a music television owned by Zillionaire Al-Waleed Ben Talal. The ad in question is about the try outs for their talent show "The X-factor".
Here's the facts: A new billboard appeared on Dora with the same layout, art direction, colors, font, etc... as the one that the Lebanese opposition has been plastering as of late everywhere in the city and which (If you boys and girls have been following this blog - and here I refer to the first entry below!) is only a mimicking of the "I love life" campaign.
Except that, whereas the opposition had slogans like "We want to live" (Which is the slogan by the "I love live" campaign) to which they added in graffiti "In dignity"... Rotana used the words "We want to sing", and in graffiti "On Rotana"... The ad was a huge success as many people were slowing down to read it thinking it's a new installment in the saga, so there was an assumption that it was some sort of retaliation from the "I love life" campaign to the opposition.
It is obvious that whomever did this ad, is someone well-versed into the Lebanese landscape, and for that alone, a pan-Arab channel such as Rotana ought to be congratulated for not including us in the foray of boring ads normally directed to the whole region - which tend to dumb the Lebanese down!

Your words ought to be worth the money....

"ghghghmmememtmywm?" "Can you repeat that?" A scenario that has been repeated millions of times since 1996, when my hearing started going down. For some undefined reason, I had calcification in the ears - both ears - and suddenly, the word "turning a deaf ear" had to be put in plural to accomodate my situation. Eleven years down the line, with two audiograms confirming the facts, I have eventually yielded to having a hearing aid. Not a band aid (Normal at my age), but a h-e-a-r-i-n-g a-i-d. So seduced by an advertising campaign put forward by one such specialist, I went to visit them last week. Which brings us to: "ghghghmmememetmywm?" "Can you repeat that?" The young lady asking was the receptionist at the hearing devices place. Maybe she is required to speak lower than usual so for people to know that they did not come in vain: If they can hear her, there's nothing wrong with their hearing. The technique is widely used by plastic surgeons in Lebanon, whereby they train their secretraries to ask the women who come in about another part of their anatomy which they are supposed to treat: "Oh, you're here for the breast enlargement?" - No, she's here for the nose job, but then the client will have second doubts and ask about the breast enlargement anyway. And so, there it was, a red shiny thing to be put in my ear. It was so akward to see the inner shape of my ear outside. Yes, including that malformation that makes the device go into such a weird angle, that - had it been a road - it would have taken a professional driver to be able to overcome it (I can see the caption at the bottom of the TV ad: Professional driver on a closed circuit do not attempt). The lab technician did specify that it was a six-channel digital device, but later I learned that neither CNN nor ESPN were among the six-channles. Bummer! The device however, cost me a fortune, and the man wanted me to put two of these at double the cost, and whereas the improvement is very noticable (Such as hearing myself walk, or the sound of the shuffling of the keys), I cannot but say that so far I do not know anyone whose words ought really to be worth paying that price for. Considering I have paid such a high bill to be able to listen, would you please spare me the "cheap talk" from now on? But I must admit that, in the evening, something strange happened, I actually said to our secretary: "Can you please lower your voice, I am ctually working on the emergency we have!" Yes, I asked someone to tone dwon their voice.... Never happened to me before. Oh, and one last thing: The device's color is red. Yes, not beige. Red. That was my condition to buy it.

... Let him cast the first stone!

We, Lebanese, always seem to be overcoming some inferiority complex. The advertising industry, only seems to capitalize on that feeling. Latest case in point: The Byblos Bank ad. OK, so many did not see it here's how it goes: On the background of national flags, people representing their countries would say in a dramatic/hopeful/proud way "Je suis Francais", "I am American", and so on and forth. When the Lebanese get their turn, they refer to themselves as based on their confession "I am Druze", "I am Chiite", etc... Then the slogan appears "When will we become Lebanese?". The idea of refuting the confessional system and replace it by a "national" identity, is certainly a great one. It is time our society worked according to meritocracy rather than through confessional clientage (Commonly referred to as "wasta"). So, if the idea is so praise-worthy, why am I raising hell?... Here's why!... Because when the nice gentleman says "Je suis Francais", I think back of the chants "Black Blanc Beur" that resounded throughout France after winning the 1998 Football world cup. Chants that celebrated the ethinic fusion of the people coming from the Maghreb, and Africa within the French society. A few years down the line, the major events in the suburbs reminded everyone that the "Black Blanc Beur" was simply an empty slogan: Marginalized youth were revolting against a system that simply rejected them. When the man (An Irish-American) says "I am an American", I think back of Rodney King, about the white cops beating him and how a "jury of their peers" gave them a "not guilty" virdict. I think of the melting pot that stopped working a long time ago, I think of the disaster of Hurrican Katrina and the fact that it was black underprivedged people who suffered the most. When the lovely young lady speaking Afrikaans says that she comes from South Africa, I nearly rioted on that one... For heaven's sake, Lebanon does not need lessions in national identity from the country that brought us the Apartheid system. A nation still struggling under the weight of its past. A nation with a committee for national reconciliation. Oh yes, and that lovely chubby fella saying that he is from Russia. Well, that's a lovely one considering "Russia" - only a couple of decades ago - was a totally different entity. At least Lebanon has references as early as 3,000 B.C. (In Sumarian language) indicating that it is the same patch of land we know today. The Columbian? Need I talk about the rebels there? Or the Palestinian... Yes, is he "Fatah" or "Hamas"? And which fragment of either? So whereas Grey communication did a good job with the concept and the execution, the countries chosen to give us a lesson in "identity" are a total bad choice. We have a bad system in Lebanon, I agree and confessionalism must make place to something else. But that "something else" is necessarily not a model of "affirmative action" such as the one in the U.S, or the French exclusionist system, or a Palestinian fragmentary one. So he who has the magic solution "let him cast the first stone!".... And let Bank Byblos and Grey just leave us alone until then without abusing of our inferiority complexes.

I love life (Intricacies of the Lebanese politics)

Those of you who have not been in Lebanon lately, have not witnessed the enormous "I love life" campaign (Check www.lebanon-ilovelife.com). Orchestrated by Saatchi, this campaign was supposed to be a celebration of life and even if not signed the word soon spread that it was initiated by the "14th of March" group now in power. Financed by billionaire Saad Hariri (Son of slain prime minister Rafic Hariri) it cost millions of Dollars as no billboard was left unused, no media unattacked, and it was frankly nauseating in the end. Unfortunately, as an advertiser, I found the claim "I love life" to be over-generic, empty, and worst of all - the campaign was not signed (There was nomention of who did it and why)! Enter the opposition (Aoun, Hizbullah etc...): A rival campaign is now hitting town, which used the same "I love life" motto (With the same logo, typography, etc...) and yet adding substantial additions to it such as "I love life... In dignity" or "I love life... Without taxes"...In my opinion this is without any doubt a smart marketing coup: Let the competition spend all its money (An obscene amount was spent by Hariri), let them build the momentum, let them abuse of the error of an empty claim which is unsigned... And then at the height of it, interfere and hijack the benefits. Is it ethical? Of course not, but by God, "everything is fair in love and war!"