Hero-glyphics - Josh Lane
(The following piece was first published in "Getting the news from poems" by Tarek Chemaly found for free here)
All comic trips start with "Later that same day",
As if everything that preceded it simply was nothing but a prelude for what was going to happen on that "second",
Or rather on that "first",
Nothing is to be initiated at that moment,
But everything will have to be a follow-up for what came first "earlier that same day".
Everything revolves around one day, insulated from the rest of the calendar,
Ascepticized from the rest of the weeks and months that came before it or will precede.
Later, it is always later,
Nothing is sooner,
The epitome of differed gratification,
The propaganda of the tomorrows,
The promise of the upcoming,
The hope of the masses.
And what do action heroes and villains do earlier during the day?
Do they just hang around and wait till it becomes later that day so that the action heats up and car chases begin?
Earlier in the day is just a fantasy, heroes unbutton their caps, have breakfast and do all the mundane stuff they never seem to do as superheroes and villains,
Maybe they go to the bathroom earlier in the day.
Notice that superheroes never seem to need to go the bathroom?
Which is good news honestly considering that they are wearing their underwear above their pants,
It is difficult to take off the underwear first you know,
And then the whole suit in order to go to the bathroom.
Are superheroes' pants equipped with flies or buttons?
But they needn't worry if their fly is open or their buttons are down,
After all, they are wearing their underwear above it.
No one ever said "hey, Batman, your fly is open",
And no one said "Hey Superman, stop thinking about Lois because your underwear is crusty with sperm traces",
Do they wear another underwear under the pants whose purposes are - like those worn by the rest of us mortals - basic in function?
You know, function such as causing rashes due to friction particularly at the pelvic joints,
Or to sustain sperm and urine marks,
And occasionally skid marks from the rear.
Such underwear if it exists is definitely a boxer and not brief,
I know so because Captain
America never seemed to have a
problem adjusting it to prevent the previously mentioned rashes,
Batman never told Robin "Are you ever annoyed by your brief's waistband when you are fighting villains?"
Of course, he never also asked him "Are you ever annoyed by your boxer's waistband when you are fighting villains?"
But then again, we will never know, because most likely they wore it "earlier that same day" a period of the day which,
Does not exist per se and only depends on whatever happens "later that same day" to take shape and be accounted for.
Earlier that same day, they slept,
And just wasted time till it became later that same day.
That same day into which they are trapped,
That never ends,
Earlier that same day, they all die,
They all die,
And there is no later that same day,
Because they were all busy dying,
And their blood dying their underwear in red.